A Close To a Chapter

So it finally happened. All those gut feelings I was having came to fruition today. I guess it was proper how it occured, since yesterday really could have been an end to a chapter in my life, and I guess it was.

I honestly didn't think I'd be feeling this way, at all. I thought it was done with a few months ago. But, I guess since nothing was 100% final I still had something where there is now a void, even though I didn't think it was there. My hindsight isn't 20/20 right now, but I know that what I did was still the right decision. I was too unsure of everything, and didn't feel what I need to feel to perpetuate it. I'm not upset, I'm not even shocked. There's just something that isn't there that used to be. Something that was comforting to my soul is now gone. And while I knew it wasn't going to be easy, I wasn't expecting to feel this. I've only felt this when I was on the other side, so I thought it would be easier. But add to the fact that I'm home, with nothing around me to make me see things in a better light at the moment, and it's not good.

But, I'll live. If I can deal with my father's death, I can deal with this. There's just not much going on to help me cope like I did back then. But I'll deal. I know I can deal. I just have to keep telling myself that if I can have what I had before, I can have it again.

It's just gonna take a while, and that's the part that sucks.