Saturday, March 11, 2006

UGH

Today has not been terribly fun so far. Last night the Terps squandered their chances of making the NCAA tournament by getting raped by Boston College. Yesterday, I hung out with this girl I met on myspace for a second time, and realized that I'm just not attracted to her, even tho I have fun with her. On top of all this I talked to my ex and I'm more confused than ever. I really thought I was over her. I mean I saw her and felt nothing, but when I talk to her I feel something. When I think about her I feel something. I'm just totally confused. And I don't know how she feels, and I don't know if I want to know cause that just might make me more confused and/or depressed. I just don't understand what I'm thinking or feeling, and I just can't stop thinking about her. Fucking everything reminds me of her, and I don't know if it's because I'm just really fucking lonely or that I really do miss her. I mean, she was a huge deal in my life for almost 2 years, so it's tough to just let go, but still, I really thought I could deal with it all. I guess I can't. I need something to totally encompass my life so I can just stop thinking about it, but who knows if/when that will happen. So for right now, I guess I deal with it, cause there's not much else I can do barring a long, emotional, potentially excruiatingly painful email that would probably just make me want to go away for a long long time after it's all said and done.

I just want mental and emotional peace. Is that too much to ask?

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