UGH

Today has not been terribly fun so far. Last night the Terps squandered their chances of making the NCAA tournament by getting raped by Boston College. Yesterday, I hung out with this girl I met on myspace for a second time, and realized that I'm just not attracted to her, even tho I have fun with her. On top of all this I talked to my ex and I'm more confused than ever. I really thought I was over her. I mean I saw her and felt nothing, but when I talk to her I feel something. When I think about her I feel something. I'm just totally confused. And I don't know how she feels, and I don't know if I want to know cause that just might make me more confused and/or depressed. I just don't understand what I'm thinking or feeling, and I just can't stop thinking about her. Fucking everything reminds me of her, and I don't know if it's because I'm just really fucking lonely or that I really do miss her. I mean, she was a huge deal in my life for almost 2 years, so it's tough to just let go, but still, I really thought I could deal with it all. I guess I can't. I need something to totally encompass my life so I can just stop thinking about it, but who knows if/when that will happen. So for right now, I guess I deal with it, cause there's not much else I can do barring a long, emotional, potentially excruiatingly painful email that would probably just make me want to go away for a long long time after it's all said and done.

I just want mental and emotional peace. Is that too much to ask?