Fear the memories

I thought this weekend was gonna be tons of fun, and a good time. Well, I guess it was fun, but revisiting old memories at college got me extremely depressed. It's been a year now since I officially moved out of College Park, MD, but I still get depressed when I go back. I know that sounds silly, but I had such a great 4 years there that I sometimes feel that was me at my social peak. I had everything going for me there. And then I decided to throw it all away and come back home. I probably should have stayed there this past year. But, that's hindsight, and I know that when I graduated, I didn't want to stay any longer. I guess it's just been a tough adjustment at home. I'm still trying to find something socially that will keep me engulfed for more than a week or two. I mean, working at camp has been great, but when you work with college kids who are going back to school, you are left with noting once it's over, or it at least seems that way. I'm just having a hard time getting over not having a very solid social network, as well as coping with the fact that almost every one of my close friends is in a serious relationship. And I just can't get past the hurdle of being single. It just keeps coming back to my mind and engulfs almost all of my thoughts. And when this happens, my self-esteem plummets, which in turn changes my mood, and then makes me less desirable to be around in general. I feel insanely confused and depressed and bitter, and I don't know what to do. I keep going back into this hole. The only thing that I see that will help me in the upcoming months is that I will be insanely busy with work, school, and going to football games. I need my mind to be occupied because if it's not, it will kill me emotionally with thoughts of the depressing side of realities. I just hope things will go up some more, cause the last thing I want is a rerun of last winter.